Seems i woke up from my grave..
Hellooo sweeties.
Its been a while i updated or wrote something in here, i think last time was last year in may or something.
Truth is, ive had so much things happening in my life. Both good and bad.
Let me give you a brief story...
Well, as you know, I have been a huge Michael Jackson Fan since i was little and his death affected me in such ways that i felt i stope living after a while.
Just the way i found out was weird and painful. I just couldnt sleep that night, strangely, and i was turning around and around. At 3 am we got an sms from a strange number saying "Michael Jackson Is Dead"..
Its hard to explain and say what i was thinking or what was going on with me that second, but i think my shock was so big that i kind of froze and I said to Katja "Eh its a prank".. but it only lasted 1 minute and i had to put the computer on.
As it turned on and my msn logged in automatically, I got thousands of MSG from people with tears and asking "DID YOU HEAR :(?"
I think that day was really hard for me, i didnt sleep til 7 am or something and i slept like 2 hours because to help katjas friend, i had to get up and clean a bit the apartment cause we were getting her in her town witch was like 4 hours away. I was dead tired but i did it for katja. And yeah, in the end it rsulted on me driving into a sign but it as so little that i coulnt really call it a crash but still, i was mentally exhausted, in schock and denial and my head was spinning.
Since then, music died to me.. I used to be able to write songs and quite good ones i have to add, but after his death my inspiration completly went. Today, the only songs ive been able to write are tributes to Michael Jackson. Singing it to some of my friends here in FInland, made them cry cause of the passion in the song... I guess i put my whole soul in it. It wasnt so hard when i was feeling so sad.
Nothing has been the same since then, my apartment is full of things with him, even my watch on the wall is michael jackson, I feel he is around me somehow that way.. i just havent been able to let go...:(..
Oh My friends, the pain i still feel doesnt have a name.. and ive felt i cant talk to my family about it cause they have never felt this love and attachement to someone. I followed michael jackson everywhere. My teenage years were basically michael michael michael, out of the 12 hours staying up in the day, i spent at least 8 hours reading about him, looking at his achievements, with other mjfans, listening to his songs, and most important.. loving him.. talking to him when i was crying myself to sleep feeling no one understood me..
He was my guardian angel from far... maybe thats why my two michael jacksons tribute songs i wrote are called "Are the angels taking care of you now?"
Oohh it hurts, it stil hurts... so fucking much i still wake up crying in the morning and realizing/remembering i was dreaming about him..
I know what people thinks...im crazy? mental? that i need help? right?!?!?!? well let me tell you something (and listen carefully cause quite francly i am tired of repeatig it)..dont tripp on me cause i am so attached to a "dream".
He is and always have been someone ive been able to rely on? unrealistic, you might think. But ive had a past of agressive boyfriends, people with drugs basically trying to make me take drugs my whole teenage..and even in school. I was never really myself in the end, I had to be strong and act like a BITCH.. yeah you heard me right.. I said..Bitch!
That way i was calm but still on my watch. On my hard experiances with people such as girlfriends or boyfriends, i learned to rely on no one and make my little shell and i didnt let many people in.
If you ever sat down, put any michael jackson cd, and just listen to his words.... what he sings, how he sings it.. forget the rythm or the music.. you would know what i mean.
By the times i felt i was the loneliest girl in this world, all i needed was to listen to him and it gave me peace. I dont know.. I didnt fall for MJ because of his music.. its something deeper than that. MUCH deeper. his soul... and i am not talking about the media clips. Like i told you, i followed him from head to toes, researched. I know a lot of things, not him as a singer but him as a person. They also revealed some extra home movies about him that only his family had.. and that only prooves me i was right...
Te quiero.... i hope Michael you knew that.....
Ok, enought.. this subject makes me sad. So i will change it and tell you what ive done so far.With the news of michael jackson my parents got worried and sent me a ticket to go to Malawi. So i went, had some time to work with myself and fin strengh to see mjs memorial service and work hard to keep on living. I found it too hard but thankfully a good friend of mine living in Malawi, helped me see the light and told me i should put all my soul into a cd and dedicate it to him... odd? Maybe but i will do it. Since then i have been working hard hard hard and i am getting so close to the moment i have to go to the recording studio and record my own album wih own songs.
I was working hard with my friend there, witch is an ASSSSUMMEEEEEEE gitarist and friend. So my friends witch also rocks on base, drums and piano, joined too.
Now, in June i am traveling to Malawi. Its going to be so stressfull (it already is) but i love it.
And the best of it is, that 3 of my best friends are coming with me. Marika, Anne and Katja are coming with me. And I am going to put two of them to sing as well :) .
Just 2 weeks ago I booked the tickets. 4 tickets... they have to be pain this month and im counting the days.
Just last week i started HARD HARD training with my song pedagog, Maarit, in helsinki and i hope it gives me enough time. I feel exhausted already. I got hundreds of papers around my piano at home waiting to be fixed and written. God, give me some strengh. I will need it.
However, our trip there will also be for pleasure. SInce this is the first time for my friends to come to africa, I am going to show them a part of my life and make them see what i saw and experianced as a child. All the african animals, lions, elephants etc close to you and also how the difference of culture is. They will have a blast. Ill make sure of it, besides ill take them every night to a club to shake some boooottyy :)
(witch I btw am very good at :P ).
Well, thats all folks! Pretty much what has been happening in my life, practice and practice. And of course more social life now that i met some new wonderful people here witch i have came very attached to. I dont know how i would have managed some things without them and their support. Saying Go Sandra GO Sandra, you CAN do it!
Its getting closer to my brothers wedding as well, may 29th. Ahhhh weddings make me sentimental.. in a good way.
And now in a few days its my birthday .. weeeeeeeee :D.
Now, I should probably spend some little time with Katja before i go to sleep. This weird weird weather freaks me out and makes me tired. Always wondering WHAT to wear cause one minute its sunny and the other its snowing.
After this earthquake in Chile things around have been weird, the weather i mean. THank god most of my family is ok and safe. I heard from a cousin this friday that they had 18 aftershakes in the same day of 6.5 up.
weird.. i guess we are coming closer to the end of the world..
TO all my lovely and supporting friends, im thinking about you. Ill start writing a bit more now.. promise :)
Love youu mon amiiiiiii
Ooh and dont forget ill always be back in one or another way.. Mu ha ha ha ha
Its been a while i updated or wrote something in here, i think last time was last year in may or something.
Truth is, ive had so much things happening in my life. Both good and bad.
Let me give you a brief story...
Well, as you know, I have been a huge Michael Jackson Fan since i was little and his death affected me in such ways that i felt i stope living after a while.
Just the way i found out was weird and painful. I just couldnt sleep that night, strangely, and i was turning around and around. At 3 am we got an sms from a strange number saying "Michael Jackson Is Dead"..
Its hard to explain and say what i was thinking or what was going on with me that second, but i think my shock was so big that i kind of froze and I said to Katja "Eh its a prank".. but it only lasted 1 minute and i had to put the computer on.
As it turned on and my msn logged in automatically, I got thousands of MSG from people with tears and asking "DID YOU HEAR :(?"
I think that day was really hard for me, i didnt sleep til 7 am or something and i slept like 2 hours because to help katjas friend, i had to get up and clean a bit the apartment cause we were getting her in her town witch was like 4 hours away. I was dead tired but i did it for katja. And yeah, in the end it rsulted on me driving into a sign but it as so little that i coulnt really call it a crash but still, i was mentally exhausted, in schock and denial and my head was spinning.
Since then, music died to me.. I used to be able to write songs and quite good ones i have to add, but after his death my inspiration completly went. Today, the only songs ive been able to write are tributes to Michael Jackson. Singing it to some of my friends here in FInland, made them cry cause of the passion in the song... I guess i put my whole soul in it. It wasnt so hard when i was feeling so sad.
Nothing has been the same since then, my apartment is full of things with him, even my watch on the wall is michael jackson, I feel he is around me somehow that way.. i just havent been able to let go...:(..
Oh My friends, the pain i still feel doesnt have a name.. and ive felt i cant talk to my family about it cause they have never felt this love and attachement to someone. I followed michael jackson everywhere. My teenage years were basically michael michael michael, out of the 12 hours staying up in the day, i spent at least 8 hours reading about him, looking at his achievements, with other mjfans, listening to his songs, and most important.. loving him.. talking to him when i was crying myself to sleep feeling no one understood me..
He was my guardian angel from far... maybe thats why my two michael jacksons tribute songs i wrote are called "Are the angels taking care of you now?"
Oohh it hurts, it stil hurts... so fucking much i still wake up crying in the morning and realizing/remembering i was dreaming about him..
I know what people thinks...im crazy? mental? that i need help? right?!?!?!? well let me tell you something (and listen carefully cause quite francly i am tired of repeatig it)..dont tripp on me cause i am so attached to a "dream".
He is and always have been someone ive been able to rely on? unrealistic, you might think. But ive had a past of agressive boyfriends, people with drugs basically trying to make me take drugs my whole teenage..and even in school. I was never really myself in the end, I had to be strong and act like a BITCH.. yeah you heard me right.. I said..Bitch!
That way i was calm but still on my watch. On my hard experiances with people such as girlfriends or boyfriends, i learned to rely on no one and make my little shell and i didnt let many people in.
If you ever sat down, put any michael jackson cd, and just listen to his words.... what he sings, how he sings it.. forget the rythm or the music.. you would know what i mean.
By the times i felt i was the loneliest girl in this world, all i needed was to listen to him and it gave me peace. I dont know.. I didnt fall for MJ because of his music.. its something deeper than that. MUCH deeper. his soul... and i am not talking about the media clips. Like i told you, i followed him from head to toes, researched. I know a lot of things, not him as a singer but him as a person. They also revealed some extra home movies about him that only his family had.. and that only prooves me i was right...
Te quiero.... i hope Michael you knew that.....
Ok, enought.. this subject makes me sad. So i will change it and tell you what ive done so far.With the news of michael jackson my parents got worried and sent me a ticket to go to Malawi. So i went, had some time to work with myself and fin strengh to see mjs memorial service and work hard to keep on living. I found it too hard but thankfully a good friend of mine living in Malawi, helped me see the light and told me i should put all my soul into a cd and dedicate it to him... odd? Maybe but i will do it. Since then i have been working hard hard hard and i am getting so close to the moment i have to go to the recording studio and record my own album wih own songs.
I was working hard with my friend there, witch is an ASSSSUMMEEEEEEE gitarist and friend. So my friends witch also rocks on base, drums and piano, joined too.
Now, in June i am traveling to Malawi. Its going to be so stressfull (it already is) but i love it.
And the best of it is, that 3 of my best friends are coming with me. Marika, Anne and Katja are coming with me. And I am going to put two of them to sing as well :) .
Just 2 weeks ago I booked the tickets. 4 tickets... they have to be pain this month and im counting the days.
Just last week i started HARD HARD training with my song pedagog, Maarit, in helsinki and i hope it gives me enough time. I feel exhausted already. I got hundreds of papers around my piano at home waiting to be fixed and written. God, give me some strengh. I will need it.
However, our trip there will also be for pleasure. SInce this is the first time for my friends to come to africa, I am going to show them a part of my life and make them see what i saw and experianced as a child. All the african animals, lions, elephants etc close to you and also how the difference of culture is. They will have a blast. Ill make sure of it, besides ill take them every night to a club to shake some boooottyy :)
(witch I btw am very good at :P ).
Well, thats all folks! Pretty much what has been happening in my life, practice and practice. And of course more social life now that i met some new wonderful people here witch i have came very attached to. I dont know how i would have managed some things without them and their support. Saying Go Sandra GO Sandra, you CAN do it!
Its getting closer to my brothers wedding as well, may 29th. Ahhhh weddings make me sentimental.. in a good way.
And now in a few days its my birthday .. weeeeeeeee :D.
Now, I should probably spend some little time with Katja before i go to sleep. This weird weird weather freaks me out and makes me tired. Always wondering WHAT to wear cause one minute its sunny and the other its snowing.
After this earthquake in Chile things around have been weird, the weather i mean. THank god most of my family is ok and safe. I heard from a cousin this friday that they had 18 aftershakes in the same day of 6.5 up.
weird.. i guess we are coming closer to the end of the world..
TO all my lovely and supporting friends, im thinking about you. Ill start writing a bit more now.. promise :)
Love youu mon amiiiiiii
Ooh and dont forget ill always be back in one or another way.. Mu ha ha ha ha
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